Book Review – Sex, Drugs and Meditation

“For a first book, it’s exquisite.”

Sex, Drugs and Meditation Front coverWe all know the rules. Stories, whether fiction or memoir, need to contain conflict. So when I heard that Mary-Lou Stephens had written a book about ten days of silence at a meditation retreat, my inner cynic snorted. Where’s the conflict in a bunch of people sitting silent and cross legged all day? Maybe Mary-Lou’s peppered the narrative with interesting flashbacks, but even so, the book is 270-pages long. What’s going to move the story forward?  When I finally meet Mary-Lou Stephens, I admit that Sex, Drugs and Meditation is an interesting title, but what I really want to know is how she made a book about silence so interesting that the world’s fifth largest publisher wanted it. 

The answers are in the text, but they’re not easy to explain. I’ve read the Macmillan-published book twice now, and to get your head around how she accomplished this feat, you have to imagine the book as three narratives, each with its own antagonist. In the first narrative we meet  Mary Lou in her afternoon drive-time ABC radio presenter persona, competent to the core, clearly loving her job. But then along comes nasty Mr Purvis, with his sharp suit, his pointy shoes and his perfect teeth. He tells everyone there’s been a restructure and even the old hands must reapply for their jobs. The Hideous Mr Purvis, as Mary-Lou calls him, is her new-found capricious enemy, and is the literary equivalent of Chekov’s gun. We know he’s coming back in the final scenes to take a swipe at Mary-Lou’s composure; he’ll turn up again after her meditation retreat, no doubt. In the meantime, though, it’s the Christmas break and she’s off to the Vipassana retreat.

Those familiar with meditation centres will recognise the subtle interplay of powers and hierarchies that Mary Lou flags. This is Mary-Lou’s first time; returnees get special tea, a tailored meditation routine, and possess an enviable straight-backed purity. Soon it’s obvious to readers that the antagonist in this second narrative is Mary-Lou’s inner critic. Readers familiar with Bridget Jones will recognise the negative self talk. Regarding Bernadette, a fellow meditator she’s only just met: I’m hoping we’ll be friends and I like my friends to be as flawed as I am. Because no one’s able to talk, Mary-Lou tells herself all kinds of stories about the people here: that the straight-backed meditator feels no pain, that her roommate suffers lung cancer, and that the cool yoga chicks want Mary Lou out. In Mary-Lou’s Sittings of Strong Determination, she must learn to remain composed against the demanding pain of an old knee injury. Quiet on the outside, her inner self is all noisy turmoil. At one point during her meditation, she takes up her imaginary machine gun, and mentally opens fire on all the perfect people that annoy her and then all the imperfect people who annoy her. As the heavy artillery rains down, she declares to her inner triumphant self, Take that you fucking serene shits. 

Dealing with ‘serene shits’ is only one of Mary Lou’s myriad challenges. In the third narrative, presented through flashbacks, we meet the younger Mary-Lou: needy child, isolated adolescent, young adult junkie, talented musician. The antagonist in this narrative is Mary-Lou’s mother. From age eight, Mary-Lou felt that her mother, already burdened with raising five other children, simply stopped loving her. Mary-Lou’s never been able to reclaim that love, and always feels as if she doesn’t come up to her mother’s expectations. The dramatic climax to this narrative is the day Mary Lou’s mother condescends to tell her daughter she mustn’t have a social drink today because she’s a recovering alcoholic. [My mother] said it with meanness and spite. Sitting on the couch opposite me, glass of sherry in her hand. I felt wounded beyond measure. I’d been honest with her about my work in Twelve Step programs and she threw it back at me, as an insult. I could let it slide but I knew I would resent it. ‘Mum, it makes it really hard for me to tell you things that are important to me when you say things like that.’ ….She said nothing. The silence stretched between us. I began to panic. I had just stood up to my mother and it didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel safe. I wanted to suck those words right back in….Instead, Mary Lou rallies against a retraction and holds her ground in silence. It is a pivotal moment in the book, and an astonishing tribute to the power of silence in the context of conversation. It marks a nice contrast with the studied, contrived silence of the meditators, a much harder silence to admire.

Beyond the book’s clever structural conceits, you’ll find a narrator with a taste for humour: be it ironic, bathetic, or self deprecating. At times her voice turns lyrical, particularly in passages that coalesce around grief: the Port Arthur massacre, her mother’s two miscarriages, and the loss of her father. For a first book, it’s exquisite. She says there’s a sequel on the way. Whether it’s about silence or not, it’s sure to get the tongues wagging.

Ali Quigley, SCLA secretary

One thought on “Book Review – Sex, Drugs and Meditation

  1. Hi Mary Lou,
    Have just this minute finished your book. I finished the Vipassana retreat on Sunday (5 days ago) and your book was leant to me Tuesday (Dharma huh?) You were mentioned by others on our first day, so funny it should come my way so quickly (not really surprising though too). Lovely to reshare the experience while mine so fresh and so glad for you that you found the place for yourself and your journey – it is amazing it is here in our backyard. I went as my husband found Vipassana on a friend’s recommendation and he returned to us a changed man after such a difficult 2013 spent fighting anxiety and racing, uncontrollable thoughts – I thought our marriage and life together in danger and in fact perhaps over. Vipassana gave him a true tool and change in perspective – its been truly powerful more so than the medication suggested for him which he never took. A friend took one look at him the day after he had finished the retreat and was on the next course! I wasn’t sure of my own motivation for attending other than to be able share the journey with him and to support him further, but my own revelations have been meaningful, profound and life changing – a better, calmer mother I aim to be and looking at how I spend my time well and starting to dream and be creative for myself. Now begins the work and practice of change which I am so glad I have 2014 to see unfold. My husband is a well known highly awarded Sunny Coast chef and we have started to dream together now and believe that we will be moving towards the restaurant of our own that we have been too fearful to believe in which is just utter stupidity as he is so talented and made much money and kudos for others in his career – we haven’t believed enough that that should be claimed for us…till now – the seed is planted …! I offer you now an invitation to that future restaurant’s opening and hope one day you can talk of this email and moment in front of our guests – hold me accountable! Congrats on the book – I hope to meet you on your rounds – was at Woodford on the day of your talk and unfortunately missed it due the the overwhelming nature of Woodford, its program and perhaps the 38c heat! Had seen your Library talks advertised and they piqued my interest but never knew they were about Vipassana – how amazing are the circles that bring you together regardless to where you should be. Love your afternoon show too.
    Best wishes Mary Lou for further success,
    Leanne Matthews

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